Sunday Evening Musings

It’s 12:30am on a Sunday night (well, technically it’s early Monday morning, but I am not ready to let go of Sunday yet). Weekends are often a combination of relaxation and busy-ness. Between helping my 90 year old Mom, and my own errands, laundry, grocery shopping, etc., time just seems to fly by.

I am a night owl by nature, and while I try to go to bed by midnight, I just didn’t make it this time. When I was unemployed in 2019 for several months, my body automatically reverted to it’s natural circadian rhythm, which is go to bed around 2am and wake up around 10am. Eight hours of sleep, and that is normal for me on weekends, too. However, “they” say that you are supposed to keep your same sleep/wake cycle on the weekends so you don’t get messed up for the work week. One of the joys of working from home is that I can wake up at 7:30 am for a 8:00 am start time.

I love working from home. I believe that so many people who currently work from home are not going to want to change that. Just like there are individuals who can’t wait to get back to the office so they can be around people. One of the things that this pandemic has done for me as an introvert is it has allowed me to stay in my “safe space” while still earning a living. The thought of going back to the office is not something that thrills me. I am hoping that I will still continue to be able to work from home most of the time and then only go into the office for an occasional meeting.

Right now, I wear lounge pants and a t-shirt with no bra most of the time. I only wear a bra when absolutely necessary, and the thought of having to go back to wearing a bra eight hours a day just makes me stressed out. One of the things I’ve discovered is that I am not looking forward to having to go back to socializing, either. And not having to do it for over a year has made the thought of doing it even more dreadful.

My mother is very excited that perhaps by summer we can start having get-togethers with my brother and his wife, and with my aunt and uncle and cousin. That just makes me anxious thinking about it. I’ve lost whatever social muscle I had, which was flabby to begin with (I’d honestly rather be home reading). If you’re not an introvert, you may not understand at all.

It’s like this: All people have an emotional “tank.” Extroverts’ tanks empty the more they are by themselves, and only start to replenish when they’re around other people. Introverts are the complete opposite. It’s draining and exhausting to socialize. After a couple of hours at a party, I am done. I have a hard time making myself go to parties. It always sounds like fun, but then when it’s time to go I just can’t make myself go. The minute I get there I just want to go home. Small talk about nothing, the cacophony — music, people talking, laughing — it’s too much! I just can’t.

I am an Empath, which means that I feel the energy and feelings of the people around me. I absorb it all and if I don’t work on blocking it, I just can’t go places with a lot of people. All I ever want to do is go home and have peace and quiet. That’s when my emotional tank begins to fill.

I am tired, and need to go to bed. At this point, I’m just rambling.

G’night all! Cheers!

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